Welcome to WWE RAW for November 14th 2011 a special three hour RAW, where RAW gets rocked, when the Rock shows up six days before WWE Survivor Series when he teams with John Cena against Awesome Truth. Plus there might be other surprises six days before Survivor Series. This is WWE RAW 11/14/11
WWE RAW 11/14/11
We kick things off with the Michael Cole Challenge. Boo to this. The first contest is an arm wrestling match, with Jim Ross wins. Then the second challenge is a dance off, with JR winning. However the final challenge is who weighs less, and obviously Cole has a bit of at that. This challenge makes the previous two meaningless. Cole wins. Then out comes Punk to mock Cole, JR is a better announcer. Really, and in other news, the sky is blue, rain is wet, snow is cold, and politicians often are corrupt. Punk says it already feels like Cole’s been out here for about six hours. Preach on, Brother Punk. Out comes John Laurinaitis to add to the agony. The Twitter followers wanted to see the competition. Punk says screw the Twitter Followers. Got to side with Punk on this one, and given some of the inane things that tend to trend on Twitter, it’s not exactly an honor to trend. Johnny Boy makes Punk and Show against Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry. He orders Punk to apologize to Cole. Punk headbutts Cole and puts on the Anaconda Vice, saying he’s sorry. Segment kind of dragged. Not even the mystic abilities of CM Punk could save this. The bloom might be off the rose.
Mick Foley arrives. As expected.
Cody Rhodes and Hunico defeated Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston
Some sloppiness in this match but overall it was not too shabby. These four men will be part of the huge classic Survivor Series match. Sin Cara goes for Hunico but pays dearly, getting taken down with the Cross Rhodes. Not a perfect fluid match but not necessarily a bad one to kick off RAW this week.
The Rock is here.
Wackiness in the back with Zack Ryder and Santino Marella. To remind you that there is a new WWE video game coming out and Zack Ryder has an Internet petition about a United States Title match with Dolph Ziggler. Internet petitions rarely do work unless they’re to hire the Blue Meanie back.
Vickie Guerrero comes out. Christian is hurt, so Dolph Ziggler is going to replace him on Team Barrett. But first, Ziggler will attempt to walk on water, when he takes on Mason Ryan, a man who’s hair should be against the WWE Wellness Policy.
Mason Ryan defeated Dolph Ziggler via disqualification.
Vickie gets involved for the disqualification. Morrison throws Dolph into the ring. Ryan applies a full nelson on Ziggler. You’re no Batista and you sure as hell are no Chris Masters, buddy.
Mick Foley and Zack Ryder are backstage together and Foley will sign Ryder’s petition if he teaches Foley to fist pump. Epic.
Mick Foley is out to call out John Cena. The fans are not happy but Foley talks about how Cena should be one of the greatest in the world. Foley has a shirt that is a combination of the Rock and Cena shirts but it’s time for This is Life John Cena. Cena’s old Little League coach is called out. Cena struck out during a big game. Then out comes B2 himself, Bull Buchanan, Cena’s sidekick during his days as the Master of Thuganomics. Well for a couple of months anyway. Bull got fired, wife left him, dog bit him and gave him rabies. Sounds like a perfect country music song to me. John Cena Senior comes out, taking the fans to task for thinking they are cool for booing his son, just because children like him. The Rock comes out to mercifully bring this segment to an end by laying out Mick Foley with the Rock Bottom Much like the original Entirely Overrated and Ponderous This is Your Life Rock segment which dragged on forever and somehow got an 8.4 rating, this dragged on forever. But I doubt it will get a fraction of that rating. If you enjoyed this segment, then good for you. The only thing that made me chuckle was Bull Buchanan and that doesn’t save a segment. And Cena’s father does kind of cut a better promo than his son does most weeks. Still way too long. This is what we call padding. And THIS…IS…WHY…WE…SHOULD…NOT…HAVE…THREE…HOUR…RAWS!
Sheamus pinned Jack Swagger
Save us Sheamus! This was an enjoyable enough match but my entire life force has been sucked out due to that last segment. Sheamus scores the win with the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Match was decent enough I guess but this show’s dying quite the death.
The Bella Twins sign Zack Ryder’s petition. Surely the tide was turned. They are trying to get their hooks into Alberto Del Rio as well. Three way dance, three way dance, three way dance! Alberto has a meeting with Johnny the Dull however. So any potential debauchery will have to wait.
Kelly Kelly defeated Natalya after rolling her up out of the Sharpshooter.
Brodus Clay will be here next week. For sure, we swear, cross our heart, hope to die. Alberto Del Rio has a meeting with Johnny Del Bore. Decent enough stuff, the gist of this is that Alberto says that he’ll be WWE Champion longer than Mrs. Baba’s Favorite Wrestler would be RAW General Manager. Let’s hope so, because I don’t think I can stand any more Johnny Come Never on my television.
Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry defeated the Big Show and CM Punk.
A pretty decent tag team match all things considered. Henry takes on Punk with the World’s Strongest Slam allowing Del Rio to pick up the pin. Show saves Punk from the Cross Armbreaker after the match.
Santino Marella is out, reminding us that he came close to winning the Royal Rumble in this very city. Kevin Nash comes out to ruin the fun and games. Nash says that he got the biggest pop in the night at the Royal Rumble. Kevin Nash at the Royal Rumble is like Al Bundy scoring four touchdowns in a single game, it’s all downhill from there but Nash will keep bringing it up until the end of time. No one hired him. Nash beats up Santino. Yay.
Jonah Hill will be guest hosting RAW next week.
Wade Barrett is out. The gang’s all here. He’ll show the team the example that he’ll lead them by.
Randy Orton defeated Wade Barrett
Both men have what passes as a decent match until Cody Rhodes punks Orton for the disqualification. Then we have a wild brawl where everyone beats up everyone else to set up the match.
The Rock comes out. He talks for a while. He attacked Mick Foley to save the crowd from the awful segment in the ring. Not before it killed my interest in this show mind you. The Rock talks about Twitter and automatically, I stop caring about anything that he has to say. R-Truth and The Miz is out to promise a beatdown on the Rock. John Cena is out, to promise to beat up the Rock if his ego gets out of line. We yammer, yammer, yammer for a while. The Rock lays the Miz out with the Rock Bottom and then mocks Cena with his hand gesture.
Er that’s it.
Why You Should Watch WWE RAW For 11/14/11
Damned if I know. I should start a petition banning three hour RAWS. Sheamus vs. Swagger , Barrett vs. Orton and Del Rio/Henry vs. Show/Punk did seem passable. All of this hype and RAW just seems to be slightly better than average as of the past month, but still awful compared to this past summer or even the lead up to Wrestlemania 27. Too many segments that dragged on and on and that lead to a rather lackluster RAW.
Hunico and Cody Rhodes defeated Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston.
Sheamus defeated Jack Swagger
Kelly Kelly defeated Natalya.
Randy Orton defeated Wade Barrett via disqualification.
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